Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Planet of the Vampires (1965) - Review

A distress beacon brings a group of astronauts to an alien world where they discover a derelict spacecraft and its dead and calcified giant crew. When the astronauts start being picked off one by one the true horror of their situation begins to be realized. If this premise sounds vaguely familiar it might be because you’ve seen or at least heard of Ridley Scott’s seminal science fiction masterpiece Alien. What is odd is that both Scott and author Dan O’Bannon claim to have not seen Mario Bava’s Planet of the Vampires prior to filming Alien. Having just watched Planet of the Vampires I’m going to go out on a limb here and say some one is definitely fibbing or at least very forgetful.

planet of the vampires

Director Mario Bava was mostly known for his horror films when he tackled Terrore nello spazio, which later was to be retitled Planet of the Vampires for North American audiences. He had a great love for science fiction and it truly shows in this American International Pictures and Italian International Film co-production as almost every frame of this film is a work of art.

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Many levels of beauty.

The story begins with two large spacecraft, the Galliott and the Argos, approaching an unexplored planet in response to a distress signal. As the ships attempt to enter the planet’s atmosphere they are seized my an immense gravitational force that causes most of the crew to pass out from the G forces. Only Captain Mark Markary (Barry Sullivan) has the strength of will to stay conscious and safely lands the Argos.

ship landing 
Ridley Scott certainly never saw this movie.

Trivia Note: Barry Sullivan was not Mario Bava’s choice for the part of Captain Markary but was forced on him by A.I.P. so that they had a marketable American actor in the lead. Now Sullivan is quite good in the role but as he was in his fifties at the time his heroic constitution over that of his much younger crewmates is questionable to say the least.

Barry Sullivan 
Young people just aren’t cut out for space travel.

Upon making a perfect landing, Captain Markary is almost immediately attacked by one of his crewmates and it’s not because of their obvious jealousy towards his awesomeness. No, apparently there is some force on this planet that can take over an unconscious person and operate them like a puppet, a very homicidal puppet. Once again, only Captain Markary is able to resist this alien power and is able to break his crew free of its hypnotic control. Once everyone is back under their own power they decide to head out across the alien landscape to find their sister ship the Galliott.

alien world 
Set phasers to awesome.

Sadly the crew of Galliott didn’t have an amazing captain like Markary, as everyone onboard died fighting each other. Markary’s younger brother, Toby, is found among the dead, and the crew of the Argos have the sad duty of burying their dead colleagues. Some of the dead crew were locked inside the bridge and when Markary and company return with tools to cut through the bulkhead door they find all the bodies missing.  That’s not creepy at all.

dead crew 
They died as they lived; horribly.”

While waiting for Wess (Ángel Aranda) to fix the damaged Argos’s power supply a group go out and explore the strange and hauntingly beautiful landscape only to stumble across a strange derelict spacecraft. They find large skeletal remains of the long dead crew and thus realize that they are not the first ones to have been drawn to the planet by the distress beacon.

space navigator 
Nope, Ridley Scott totally never saw this movie.

Ancient dead space navigators are the least of their problems, as the dead members of the Galliott don’t seem to want to stay buried. Our heroes come to the quick conclusion that not only can this strange alien presence take over you when you sleep but it’s even easier to take you over when you’re dead.

Planet of the Zombies 
Space Zombies!

Two supposedly dead crew members of the Galliott show up and claim no knowledge as to how they survived or what happened to their crew. So it is no surprise when it turns out they are both animated corpses being inhabited by the alien race we learn are called Auran.

alien zombie 
No, I’m not dead. Why do you ask?

The Auran race is dying along with their home planet and their distress beacon was a lure to get a ship here so they could hijack it and escape to start fresh on another world. The Aurans tell Markary that killing isn’t required, and that the Aurans are willing to cohabitate with them. Markary’s not keen on his own home world being invaded by a parasitic race and tells them to go and stuff it. Unfortunately one of the Aurans made off with the Argos Meteor Rejector. Without it their ship will not survive the long trip home.

alien beauty


Markary and his crew rush to the Galliott to retrieve the Meteor Rejector with the secondary mission being to plant explosives and blow the Galliott and its alien infected crew to smithereens. Only Captain Markary and Sanya (Norma Bengell) make it back, as Wess launches them into space and away from the Planet of the Vampires.

escape 
That was a close call, lucky none of us got taken over… right?

Sure enough it turns out that Markary and Sanya didn’t quite get away as cleanly as we would have liked. Poor Wes discovers that his friends are now Aurans, refuses their offer to join them, and runs off to destroy the Meteor Rejector, fatally electrocuting himself while doing it. Without the device the Aurans must pick a nearer plan to land on, a more primitive planet, one that is the third planet from the sun.
twist ending 
What a twist!

The ending may scream out Twilight Zone but this is a Maro Bava movie. The thing that will stand out above all else is its visual style, and this movie certainly has that in spades. From the snazzy black leather spacesuits, to the Daliesque ship designs, and the colourful smoke filled alien landscapes, this movie is a feast for the eyes. It’s an international cast, so at times the dubbing isn’t the best. Overall the cast does a great job in a film that looks much better than its $200,000 budget has any right to look. This is a must see for fans of early science fiction movies, but really a must see for anybody who likes great movies.

Tarzan's Three Challenges (1963) - Review

In a direct follow up to 1962’s Tarzan Goes to India we find our jungle hero once again being called to help an old friend from a foreign land. What country this movie takes place in is never made clear, though most of it was filmed near Bangkok, Thailand. The decision to go with an undisclosed country is most probably due to all the made up political/religious elements that Tarzan and company have to deal with as some of the bullshit stuff in this movie has nothing to do with Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism or any religion practiced in Thailand.

Tarzan Three Challenges poster 2


The evil Khan (Woody Strode) is opposed to his dying brother’s choice of a successor, so he plans to murder “The Chosen One.” When Khan discovers that a man from Africa has been sent to guide and protect the successor on his journey to the coronation he captures and kills the man who sent for him, but not before making him reveal that it is Tarzan (Jock Mahoney) who is coming.

duel to the death 
Duel to the death interrogations just don’t seem all that practical.

This movie is your basic “Escort Mission” story which in many cases can be quite fun, unless its part of a video game then it’s just annoying. In Tarzan’s Three Challenges it’s not so much annoying as it is boring. The youthful heir Kashi (Ricky Der) is your typical ten year old who will end up at some point endangering the mission because of his inexperience and Tarzan at some point will have to be his Champion.

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I’d rather play with a baby elephant than be my countries spiritual leader.”

Tarzan isn’t Khan’s only problem, as he also has to find and kill Kashi as soon as possible, because once the king dies the successor instantly becomes holy and cannot be killed. So Tarzan is on an “Escort Mission” while Khan is on a “Timed Mission”, two video game types I really don’t like and unfortunately they aren’t any better in this movie. When Tarzan arrives at the monastery he has to prove that he is Tarzan because the guide that was to vouch for Tarzan was killed during a river ambush. To get the escort job he now must undergo three challenges to prove he is Tarzan.

vlcsnap-2015-02-06-17h19m06s63 
 Maybe if he wore pants once and awhile and carried I.D. then this type of issue wouldn’t come up.

The challenges are tests of skill, strength, and wisdom, consisting of Tarzan shooting a swinging fruit with his bow, surviving a tug of war with two water buffalo’s, and answer a stupid riddle. I call bullshit on any Tarzan test that does not involve him wrestling a lion or stampeding elephants.

pulling out the stops 
So at the thirty minute mark Tarzan has apparently pulled off his three challenges, can we go home now?

Sadly the movie has another hour left and Tarzan must travel through the jungles with only Kashi’s nursemaid, a monk and the one dude who survived the earlier river ambush and who is clearly on Khan’s payroll. They have to take a detour to some temple so that Kashi can pray, because if he doesn’t he will not be coronated. The traitor in their group sets a little fire to alert the Khan and his men to their location, but he fails to properly extinguish the fire and ends up getting killed in the ensuing conflagration.

jungle fire 
Tarzan, let me run off to get killed, I’m only dragging out this film’s running time.”

The monk in their party is shot and killed mostly due to Kashi stopping to play with a baby elephant, exposing their hiding spot and proving maybe a ten year old kid shouldn’t be the leader of your country. Eventually our intrepid group make it to the coronation, and to my surprise and delight Tarzan actually dresses for the occasion.

Tarzan in purple 
I like it but purple really isn’t my color.”

Now because this movie needs more drama, just being “The Chosen One” isn’t enough to become leader of this country; you also have to pass three lame ass tests. Kashi must pick out the one diamond out of three that once belonged to the previous ruler, one empty water goblet out of three, and then finally one urn containing the king’s ashes out of four. He manages to do this, proving that great guessing is the most important trait to these people to look for in a leader. Trouble rears its ugly head as the Khan invokes a rare and mostly forgotten fourth test. That would be, “The Challenge of Might.” This will allow Khan to fight Kashi for the throne. As Khan is a full grown man and accomplished warrior and Kashi is a kid this really doesn’t seem like much of challenge.

Woody 
“Khaannn!”

Kashi is able to pull out an ancient law that allows him to name a champion to defend him in this test so of course Tarzan must face off against Khan. The test itself almost makes the contest in Gymkata make sense as Tarzan and Khan are bound together by a tether to each wrist, they are taken out of the city, which they then have to race back to, they are not allowed to strike each other under pain of being shot by guys with bows, next they have to cross hand over hand along a rope over a rocky ravine, snatch up a knife to cut their bounds, bungee jump into a river gorge, and make it into the city to cross a rope net that is suspended over large jars of boiling oil. If Khan crosses the net first he will be able to kill Kashi, unless of course Tarzan is able to stop him.

The Last Challenge 
American politics could take a lesson from these guys.

Tarzan wins by bouncing up and down on the net until Khan falls through and into one of the boiling jars. As heroic wins go this is not a shining moment for Tarzan, but at least this means the movie is over and Tarzan can maybe go back to Africa and find a lost city or something.

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I’d love to stay kid but I have to head to Mexico and be played by another actor.

Producer Sy Weintraub and director writer/director Robert Day saddle us with a movie that makes the tedious Tarzan Goes to India look good. Which is a shame, as it was Robert Day who gave us the decent Tarzan the Magnificent. As for poor Jock Mahoney, this was his last outing as Tarzan and his performance here was less than stellar. This could have been due to a moment of stupidity where he tried to show off his swimming skills by taking a dip in one of Thailand’s largest and most polluted rivers, which resulted in him contracting a severe case of amoebic dysentery and dengue fever, and finally pneumonia. This caused Mahoney to lose about 45 pounds which, when your character only wears a loincloth, is quite noticeable.

diet Tarzan 
“This jogging and dysentery diet works wonders.”

This is one of the films that only compulsive fans of the Tarzan should bother trying to track down as not only is it damn dull, they cast Woody Strode as the main villain and then dubbed him. An unforgivable sin, but at least he gets to do double duty as the dying leader.  So basically, the greatest challenge isn’t anything Tarzan does on screen, it’s you the viewer making it through it’s 90 minute running time without falling asleep.

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Tonight on Bad Blue Screen Challenges, Tarzan!”

Predestination (2014) - Review

What if I could put him in front of you, the man that ruined your life.  If I guaranteed you’d get away with it would you kill him?” With that cryptic question one of the better movies dealing with time travel begins. Time travel is one of my favorite film genres because if done right not only can it be immensely entertaining, but it can be very thought provoking as well. In the case of Predestination it certainly achieved both of those in spades. The movie is based on the short story “ ’—All You Zombies—’ ” by Robert A. Heinlein and if you are going to make a science fiction movie, a Heinlein story is certainly one of your better choices for source material, and directors Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig did their best to stay true to the original.

PREDESTINATION_27X40_R3MECH.indd


This is one of those movies that is incredibly hard to review because going into the film cold is probably the best way to go, so I will do my best to not spoil or even get into the intricate twists and turns the plot makes, but if all you want to know is that it’s a time travel movie starring Ethan Hawke and based on a Heinlein story then stop reading now. Those who wish to continuing reading, don’t worry I will do my best to dance around anything that could spoil this movie for you.

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The film follows the missions of a Temporal Agent played by Ethan Hawke who works for the mysterious Temporal Bureau that sends its agents through time to prevent major crimes. On a mission to stop an infamous terrorist known as the Fizzle Bomber, the Agent is able to stop the bomb from killing hundreds, but is severely burned and the bomber escapes. The Agent returns to his own time where doctors are able to do amazing surgery and facial reconstruction with the result being that the agent now looks a lot like Ethan Hawke.

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I distinctly remember asking for the George Clooney look.”

We learn that the Fizzle Bomber is the only criminal to be able to continually elude the Temporal Bureau and that the Agent, now all healed up nicely, is to be sent out on his last mission before he will be decommissioned. With his coordinate transformer field kit (that’s a time machine to likes of you and me) he arrives in 1978 where he takes up work as a bartender where he seemingly is waiting for someone.

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A time traveler walks into a bar.”

An odd looking man enters the bar and the Agent in the role of bartender cajoles the man to tell a story about himself that will truly shock him, for if it is shocking enough the man will win a free bottle of liquor. What follows is a wild tale of how this man actually came into the world as a girl (yeah this movie has your standard sex identity twist as an appetizer) and how twenty years ago she was dropped off at an orphanage as a Jane Doe baby. She grew up smarter and stronger than all the other children, thus she found herself apart and treated like a freak.

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Though a damn adorable freak.

Her aptitude and the fact that she is still a virgin draws interest from SpaceCorp, a Sixties-era government agency charged with recruiting women to go into space to provide sexual relief for astronauts on long space missions. Now those of you who may have some historical knowledge may be thinking, “I don’t remember there being a SpaceCorp in the 60’s.” Well that is one of the clues that this movie takes place in an alternate Earth, similar to ours but different in many ways. Another subtle clue is a mobile hanging over baby Jane’s crib which has a globe that’s continents don’t quite seem to match ours.

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A clue or maybe the orphanage just got that mobile from a Texas based educational company.

Just as things seem to be going well for Jane she is kicked out of SpaceCorp for fighting, falls in love with a mysterious man who gets her pregnant and then abandons her, then after a tricky birth finds out that she is a true hermaphrodite and that due to complications with the delivery the doctors had to remove her uterus and ovaries. Because they discovered male organs intact, they decided to surgically make her a man.

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I’m not sure where the Hippocratic Oath sits on that one.

Now that may sound like I’ve spoiled a lot but that is really just the tip of the iceberg on what is a wild and crazy ride. The movie will take Jane and the Agent to places where if you think you know where things are heading you are at best probably only half right. This film takes the idea of the “Time Paradox”, drags it behind the bar and beats it with a stick until it apologizes for existing.  To quote Doc Brown,
Great Scott! 
Great Scott!

What makes this film stand out even more are the stellar performances by its two leads, Ethan Hawke as the Agent, and Sarah Snook as Jane. Hawke keeps the film grounded by his world weary time travelling agent who may have jumped through the space time continuum one too many times while Sarah Snook is simply amazing in a part that could easily become farcical. As the bizarre nature of the story twists and turns we learn more about the nature of the Temporal Bureau and what makes the Agent so special.  It is only the talent of these two actors and the tight direction by The Spierig Brothers that keeps the film from flying off the rails.

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So if you like serious science fiction and enjoyed such films as Primer and Looper you will most likely get a huge kick out of Predestination.

Time Machine Note: How our protagonist in a time travel movie gets up and down the corridors of time has almost as infinite amount of designs as there are timelines; from the ornate time chairs of The Time Machine (1960) and Time After Time (1979) to the awesome Delorean from Back to the Future or in the case of Predestination where it can all fit inside a violin case. Regardless of their design I love them all, with maybe the exception of the Hot Tub variety.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Ouija (2014) - Review

When I was about seven years old my parents went off to a funeral while my sisters and I stayed home, as it wasn’t relatives us kids knew all that well who had died. My sisters thought it would be fun to pull out our Ouija board and contact the dearly departed and minutes after we started playing in my darkened bedroom I spotted a little girl in a white dress standing by my dresser. Needless to say seven year old me totally lost his shit. I later learned that the white dress I described was the same as the one my little cousin was buried in that day.

ouija-movie

How much of that was due to an over active imagination of a seven year old child? One can assume most of it, because kids just love to frighten themselves. When put in a certain spooky setting our little minds can conjure up worse things than even Hollywood could dream up. So I went in to my viewing of Hasbro and Platinum Dunes Ouija with the hope of capturing some of that childhood terror. Sadly it was not to be.

Two girls and a board 
Spirits from beyond, does this script have an original scare in it?”

The movie begins with two little girls, Laine Morris and Debbie Galardi, playing with a Ouija board in Laine’s room. It’s here that we learn the three important rules from Debbie. These of course are brought up so that they can be broken with dire consequences later in the film.

The Board 
1) You can never ever play alone.
2) You can never play in a graveyard.
3) You must always say goodbye at the end.

The movie then jumps to the present day where we find Debbie (Shelley Hennig) all freaked out about something but won’t tell her best friend Laine (Olivia Cooke) what it is, only that she had recently been playing with the a Ouija board… by herself. Debbie tries to burn the board in the fireplace but it magically appears un-singed on her bed. She looks through the board’s planchette (pointer), her eyes turn white, and in a trance-like stare she hangs herself with Christmas lights.

suicide via ghost 
Strange that the giver of the rules is the one that breaks them first.

Laine is devastated by her friend’s apparent suicide as well as Pete (Douglas Smith), Debbie’s boyfriend, Trevor (Daren Kagasofff), Laine’s boyfriend, and mutual friend Isabelle (Bianca A. Santos). Laine convinces her friends to participate in a Ouija board session at her dead friend’s home so that she can get closure as she never got a chance to say goodbye to Debbie. I can buy Trevor agreeing to this as he hopes to continue getting laid, but her other friends should have told her to go piss up a rope.

Hell no 
No, and hell no!

Laine even drags along her sister Sarah (Ana Coto) because Sarah is a wild child and currently seeing an older man so she cannot be left alone. We never see this older man, though he is apparently an idiot as he parks right outside the house in full view of overprotective Laine. Sarah would certainly have been in better hands with that creep than going off with Laine and company.

looking for a script 
Question, does the order we are sitting around this table determine the order in which we die?

They contact a spirit through the board that identifies itself as “D” and then spells out the message “hi friends”, and of course Laine is convinced it’s Debbie while her friends are all pretty sure Laine was the one moving the planchette either consciously or subconsciously. That is until all of them get the “hi friend” message sent to them at random places; chalk graffiti on a tunnel wall, written in moisture on a car window, on a computer screen and carved into Pete’s desk.

hi friend 
That ghost totally trashed my fucking desk!

Unless Debbie secretly hated her boyfriend, that is the first clue that the ghost they contacted may not be of the Casper the Friendly Ghost variety. The film then stretches the realms of creditability well past the breaking point as Laine is somehow able to convince her sister and friends to return to the house for a second session with the Ouija board. When the ghost fails to answer personal questions that only Debbie would know it finally reveals itself to be “D.Z” who turns out to be the ghost of a little girl by the name of Doris Zander whose freaky mother sewed her mouth shut to keep the evil spirits from talking through her.

Doris“Boo.”
The ghost tells them to “Run. Mother is coming.” The Scooby Gang flee the house, but not the country as I probably would have done. The movie then follows the tried and true formula of friends dying one by one while our heroine tries to solve the mystery behind Ghost Doris and the Ouija board.

flossing problem 
Isabelle has a fatal flossing incident.

Ouija is by first time director Stiles White and it shows, as this movie is formulaic in the extreme with no real style of its own. Though mostly relying on jump scares the film does manage to build a sense of peril and dread in some of the scenes, which is more than what Annabelle managed to do. Maybe with a better script Stiles could turn into a decent director. Unfortunately the mystery that Laine has to solve is so transparent and obvious that the audience is always ten steps ahead of the characters. This does not help with suspense.

Burn it 
They should have burnt the script instead.

According to actress Olivia Cooke, half of the film was re-shot at the studio’s request changing substantial elements of the story including the backstory of Doris and her mother. It would be interesting to see if the original version was less clichéd and by the numbers, but alas, we may never know.

nasty Doris 
Originally I was Norman Bates’s sister.

As it stands this isn’t a terrible movie, nor is it a particularly good one, you have your standard group of pretty people who constantly do stupid things because they don’t realize they are in a horror movie, and we grimly watch them die one by one. Ouija is just your run of the mill horror film with nothing new to add to the genre. More and more when I watch these new horror movies I keep asking the same thing, “Why don’t they call Sam and Dean Winchester?”

Abandon All Hope

Salt and burn them baby, salt and burn.”

Tarzan Goes to India (1962) - Review

In Tarzan Goes to India Sy Weintraub decided he wanted to go with a leaner less muscular Tarzan and so cast Jock Mahoney to play the Ape Man this time around and who funnily enough actually played the primary villain in the previous film Tarzan the Magnificent. Also returning is director John Guillermin who helmed Tarzan’s Greatest Adventure which is arguably one of the best of the Tarzan movies. Sadly this entry is not even close to being as good as the two previous installments.


Tarzan_Goes_to_India_(movie_poster)

The plot of Tarzan Goes to India is a simple one but unfortunately also a rather tepid and boring one. Tarzan (Jock Mahoney) is called to India by the dying Maharajah (Murad) and is informed by Princess Kamara (Simi Garewal) that about three hundred elephants are endangered by the construction of a hydroelectric dam. Once the dam is completed, and the other end of the valley is sealed off, all of the elephants will drown. Having Tarzan being an ecological warrior is certainly nothing new and as some of his best friends are elephants this is certainly something close to his heart but as plots go “Must get elephants out of valley before dam is built” isn’t all that thrilling, and hey maybe it could have been made to be thrilling but they certainly fail to do it here.

dam 
Tonight’s villain…progress!

One thing that bothered right out of the gate was that Tarzan flies to India at the behest of an old friend but he fails to put on pants or a shirt. Now we all know Tarzan runs around Africa in just a loincloth but if you are going to visit a Maharajah you think he would have dressed for the occasion. This is not the simpleton Tarzan from the Johnny Weissmuller days who may or may not know what pants are, this is an intelligent and articulate man who understands the conventions of the civilized world. So if Tarzan wants to run around the jungles of India in a loincloth that is fine, but if you are visiting the palace put on some goddamn pants!

no shirt 
I’m sorry Tarzan, no shoes, no shirt, no service.

When the Princess introduces Tarzan to O’Hara (Mark Dana) the project manager we learn that the main problem is that there is currently only one way out of the mountain pass and it will be soon closed by O’Hara and his men because monsoon season is coming and the project must be completed before then. The elephants could be driven out of the valley in time but Tarzan is informed that the herd is being led by a rogue elephant. Say what? I’m not sure if the writers of this movie are clear on what rogue means but I’m pretty sure that by definition it certainly does not mean leader.

rogue 
He’s a rogue elephant who doesn’t play by the rules.

A construction timetable and a rogue elephant is not Tarzan’s only worries he also has to deal with Bryce (Leo Gordon) the chief engineer who has had past dealings with Tarzan on a similar project in Africa. It seems that Bryce has a thing about shooting elephants and poaching ivory as a hobby.

Bryce 
I’ll be your stock cartoon villain today.

Bryce is your standard two dimensional villain whose acts are not based on any notable character trait other than he’s evil. When he is told that there is an area of the construction site that needs more support he ignores it and when some workers die because of this his response is as follows, “Life is the cheapest commodity we got.” Yep, he’s evil or at least a Republican. In this film he shoots at elephants, chains up Tarzan so that he can be threatened by a leopard, and kidnaps a small boy for some reason. All the film was missing was him tying the Princess to some railway tracks while twirling his moustache. Even worse is that he is killed by an elephant at the hour mark leaving us with only corporate douchebag O’Hara as a villain for the remaining thirty minutes.

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Ironic deaths are big in the jungle.

So the villains suck but how does our hero stack up in this outing? Now Tarzan is in India so he’s a bit out of his element so when he tries to eat some inedible berries I cut him some slack but when he is treed by a cobra and then saved by a mongoose that is just unacceptable. I’m also not sure if animal cruelty laws apply in India because I’m pretty sure they just let a mongoose loose to kill that cobra for real.

Mongose rescue 
Don’t worry Tarzan; I Rikki-Tikki-Tavi will save you.

Even worse is that as Tarzan flees from that life or death struggle he immediately steps into a tree snare and finds himself caught by a young boy and his elephant.

Elephant Boy 
Anybody tells Jane about this day I’m having and I’ll feed them to the lions.”

It is here that we are introduced to the other key player in our little drama, Jai the Elephant Boy (Himself) who wants to be a man and with Tarzan’s help and the help of his elephant friend Gajendrah he just may do that.

Mowgli 
Or maybe he can just go hang out with Mowgli instead.

The film is horrible paced and the threat of drowning elephants never feels that imminent or real. When Bryce is killed we are still told that O’Hara will not let the elephants through the pass because you know, “Fuck elephants!” O’Hara creates a bamboo barricade, because that is known for being elephant proof, but he also places explosives to blow up Tarzan and the elephants. I’m assuming in the sixties companies didn’t have to worry about things like bad press after blowing up 300 elephants.

Stampede alert 
Rogue Leader to Rogue Five, come in Rogue Five!

Of course the day is saved by Tarzan’s classic go to problem solver “The Elephant Stampede” In the Johnny Weissmuller days an elephant stampede was Tarzan’s go to response for any crisis ranging from a kidnapped Jane to running low on peanut butter.  Also Tarzan equipped himself with a dynamite arrow because, why not?

Arrow  
“Take that, Duke Boys!”

This movie was certainly a step back after such excellent entries as Tarzan’s Greatest Adventure and Tarzan the Magnificent. Jock Mahoney makes for a decent Tarzan I just wish he’d had a better script for his first outing.